Work Beer

Merry Christmas.

I love having a beer as I finish the working day, particularly on an empty stomach.  It helps me wind down and helps build an appetite.

Tonight I had this amazing white ale from Iceland (not the CHD supermarket). It apparently has tasting notes of coriander and orange peel.

If you see it, try it - http://www.einstokbeer.com/

People in Exeter can get it here - http://www.whistlewines.com/

Pasta

I made one of my favourite meals last night, which is fresh pasta with Garlic & Chilli Olive Oil. You basically slowly cook a bulb of finely grated garlic and a couple of thinly sliced chilies in lots of extra virgin Olive Oil. Leave it in a pan for about half an hour and on a very very low heat. Boil your pasta in heavily salted water, you don't have to use fresh stuff, any kind of pasta will do, although these guys would disagree - The Geometry of Pasta. They also suggest 12g of salt to 1L of water. I'm not really into the idea of weighing things, but it's a good book and worth buying for the stunning graphic design.

When the pasta is cooked, drain it, but keep some of the starchy pasta water, this is to be mixed with the oil and will become your sauce. So yeah, mix it all up, the oil, pasta and a cup of starchy water. Zest a bit of lemon over it and a big squeeze of the juice. Serve with thinly sliced fresh basil and tons of Parmesan or Pecorino or Grana Padano. This will give you lovely breath, but kick your mouth in the cunt with flavour.


I ended up drinking a lot of wine and getting rather stoned, so the washing up was left til this morning. As I entered the the kitchen in search of breakfast, I discovered an oily pan full of sticky garlic and chilli, so I fried a couple of scoffy eggs in this dirty pan and toasted some giant sourdough soldiers to dip in the golden yolks. Oh, what's that? A little bit of left over Pecorino in a bowl? Why not?

Poor Old Quiche

I've always hated what I thought was Quiche, but actually it can be pretty good. The supermarkets sell what look like yummy asparagus & salmon frisbees, which have been festering in a cardboard box for days. These things are always a disapointment. But as I'm writting this I'm eating a quiche so fucking tasty I have to constantly take a break from typing to shove some in my mouth. Here comes another mouthful! Scoff!

I'm sure this has been done before, but to me it started more as a joke, but then I really liked the idea, cooked it and then I started eating the thing and then loved it.


Basically it's a squash (you can use any type) with the seeds removed and a load of quiche mixture shoved in there. Because it takes such a long time to cook the squash make the mixture a little more liquidy than usual. Good times.




onion
eggs
splash of milk
nutmeg
salt
chili powder
cheddar
1/2 a lemon (juice and a little zest)
thyme




Use these ingredients and you will have a very tasty quiche. You are not a moron, so add your own stuff, mix and match ingredients. Your kitchen, your rules. Here are some variations I just made up, they may be dogshitpiss, but cooking is all about experimentation and fun.

onion

eggs

dash of cream

nutmeg

salt

pepper

goats cheese

1/2 a lemon (juice and a little zest)

rosemary

or if you want to be really fucking crazy

red onion

eggs

coconut milk

ginger

salt

fresh red chilli

bacon lardons

1/2 a lime (juice and a little zest)

fresh coriander

I think the reason I like this idea so much is because pastry is a bit of a bore, I can never be bothered to make it, cook with it or eat it.

Town Mill

On Sunday we went for lunch at the new River Cottage Canteen in Plymouth, well I should call it a restaurant, not a canteen. It's based in the Royal William Yard which was the main naval victualling depot or in common tongue;  storage house for food and booze. The Royal William Yard should be the perfect setting for restaurants and boozers due to it's history, but it does have a bleak atmosphere, a little like a prison.

Anyway, we had a poor lunch which was mainly ruined by an aggressive tattooed American waitress who was basically a bit of a prick. But the food was just a bit lame. We also felt ripped off (£3 for a pathetic pot of cabbage, seriously, fuck off!). The look of the restaurant is rather good and it has a wood fired oven for all to see and get aroused. It's still not worth a visit and the Canteen in Axminster is better.

The head baker at Town Mill scoffing a scone

(always a good sign to see staff eating their own food)

So we made a swift exit without pudding or coffee because  we knew there was a Town Mill Bakery around the corner and we'd heard good things. At first this cafe/bakery was a little confusing as everything is so relaxed. Just find a seat. Grab a chopping board and help your self to the selection of baked goods which are on a stretched table top. Walk over to the barista and order your coffee (this is the only service you will receive). Sit. Scoff and reach for a mug hanging from above your head and help yourself to bottled tap water in the fridge or you can get a pressed Somerset apple juice.  Watch the head baker work away as you are surrounded by sacks of Shipton Mill flour on palettes (a fork lift probably drives straight in and dumps them there). When you've finished wolfing down your chosen delights, walk up to till and list what you had to some guy on an iPad and he'll calculate your bill. This form of honesty will obviously be exploited at some point, but I'm sure this will be a rare occasion. This honesty does feel great. Nothing is hidden from the customers, so when you pay for the food you should hide nothing from them.


Oh and I tried a seriously good Eccles cake and the best scone in the world, perfect texture and served with the most delicious jam & butter. Cakes and coffee are around £2 and everything else is under £5, which is amazing as the ingredients are of such high quality, the flavour is there (although the coffee wasn't very good), you get the theatre of the food being made in front of you and the place has a buzzy atmos, which is great to pick you up after a less than average lunch at River Cuntage.


Check out there blog, it has some great writing - http://townmillbakery.wordpress.com/


I like the one about Porn & Food.


If you want to visit a land of giant focaccia pizzas, enormous victoria sponges and scones the size of Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall's ego, then you must go. 


(Sorry Hugh, I'm just kidding, nothing personal, I know your a nice guy, but your such an easy target).

Cornered

I've just had a sexy romantic meal with my Müller Corner (Blueberry). I remember when these beasts were let loose in our supermarkets in the late 80s and people went wild for the pointess act of adding your own fruit compote, so much fun, like those crisps with a packet of salt. You were a cool kid if you had either of these in your lunch box. But if Müller really want to cash in, all they need to do is make a mini version. Sorry the cynic in me is taking over. But people really are stupid cunts. Mini Cheddars, mini Mars bars, mini Jaffa cakes = massive cunts.


Anyway I was one of those stupid cunts who lapped up the USP of the yogurt's quirkily designed pot. I fucking loved them. But it's been a while, am I still a fan?

So a I lit a glade scented candle and made this a real CHD, as those people* thought Corner yogurts were a little on the posh side. I was actually a little nervous as I was reunited with this old friend, like meeting up with an old girlfriend, if one can imagine that situation. As expected we were both a little shy to begin with, so I gently peeled back the foil and slowly licked the yogurt off her lid, a friendly greeting to break the ice. It tasted good. So straight to foreplay I went, and began spooning the Blueberry compote into the yogurt and created some flirtatious marbling. So sexy. Then we just went for it. You can imagine the rest.




* We all know who those people are!

The Buffet

For anyone who has stayed in a Hotel, they will have encountered the delights of a Hotel Buffet. The buffet is an ingenious system used for catering on a mass scale, it causes a social awkwardness and requires a type of international etiquette, although nobody knows the actual rules. I think it's a game and the British would certainly loose at this sport, falling at the first hurdle. They go straight for the lovely looking bread and load up on the carbs, they then proceed to overload their plates with everything, I mean everything, mixing all food items and piling it as high as possible. So wrong. But the Germans are far more cunning, they select the prime cuts of cold meats and cheeses (the expensive ingredients) as all the dishes on the hot plates are normally made from leftovers. This is where you find the Brits, scoffing away like pigs at a troth with the great British mentality of 'eat as much as you can'.

But despite your nationality, the Buffet is defiantly a spectator sport, so you must get a good table with a clear enough view to see the players. Sit back and enjoy, not the food, the fun and frolics!

Obviously to watch the game of the buffet, you must get involved and actually eat something, but first you must do the walk of shame with an empty plate and begin the loading of unidentified matter. Breakfast is always easier that dinner, but on both occasions may I suggest at least one lap of the circuit. This warm up lap will enable you to suss everything out, a second lap will enable you to plan a menu in your head and then with a rolling start you can hit the floor running. If you are staying at a hotel for a few nights then you will easily sniff out the truffles when foraging the buffet forest.

Good luck.

BEER

Got this line up from Piers in Whistle Wines. So Piers' Beers look really good, but we only tasted the Little Creatures Pale Ale 5.2% (From Western Australia). As kirk (AKA Kunty Kirk) just mentioned 'the taste of Lychee is really apparent in this superb pale ale'. We are gonna smash in the rest this evening. Cant wait, especially for the O'Hanlons, apparently is the same as Thomas Hardy Ale - I mentioned it earlier this year - Click me


The other beers in the lineup include:

• O’Hanlons Brewers Special Reserve 2010 Vintage 12.9% www.ohanlonsbeer.com (They are based just outside Exeter)
•  Anchor Brewing Co - Liberty Ale 5.9% & the Anchor Steam Beer 4.8% (These are from San Francisco)
• Goose Island Honker’s Ale 4.3% (From Chicago)
• Vedett Extra White 4.7% www.vedett.com (From Belgium)

· 

We are off to the butchers now to get a big brisket and cook this - Jamie Oliver Recipe


Lovely.

Duralex

Recently I've been getting obsessed with idea of physical objects out-living me. Not sure if this is about realising my own mortality or substituting objects for having stupid cunt kids. Probably a bit of both. I like the idea of passing things onto another generation, creating a bit of history and replenishing the antique trade with new stock. We tend to break at least 1 glass every few weeks in my house, but never the invincible Duralex.

Just read this article about the company and you'll be convinced this glass is the way forward or backwards and you'll probably want to fuck it sideways - Have a sexy read!

If you can't be bothered here is a quote from the designer of the Duralex Picardie glass (pictured) -

"The upper part of the side is smooth surfaced and curves gently outwards at the part that goes into your mouth, as if to encourage the liquid on its way. The rounded edge of the lip of the glass is especially comfortable against your lips because, for durability, the glass is comparatively thick. But the glass has just the right weight, and the feel of the ridges between the flutings makes it seem thinner and more delicate than it actually is..."  - Patrick Taylor 

What makes these glasses so bloody good is their versatility. They are tough enough to handle boiling water, so great for all kinds of tea, coffee or hot chocolate. They work as a beaker for water with your meal, a tumbler for a fine single malt whisky, a shot of vodka, swigging icy cold beer on a hot day or sipping a hearty Côtes du Rhône by the fire on a cold winters evening. Due to their longevity these glasses are sustainable, so they save the planet without costing the Earth. At around 70p each the kids can play catch with them for all I care, not that I have any stupid fucking cunt kids, but if I did, I wouldn't mind and maybe that's the point. Get it? 


I don't.

Princi

Style over substance? Form over function? All fur coat and no knickers?

In some respect yes. But still, Princi delivered one of the best breakfasts I've ever had.

I'd just been cycling along the Thames with a bunch of gentlemen. From Friday til Sunday morning we'd slept rough under a large Chestnut tree one night and in a barn the next. Although we were dressed in gentleman's attire, we looked a little on the scruffy side and were more than a little wiffy. We also just had a bottle of Prosecco whist on the train to Paddington, great as an aperitif, but maybe not at 9am on a Sunday morning. So we staggered into Claudio Silvestrin's palace smearing our shitty trousers around his immaculate black granite & polished metal and released hell in the toilets, but the burning incense couldn't mask the fury of our burning anuses.

Princi is another concept dreamt up my the master restauranteur Alan Yau, in a collaboration with the Milanese baker Rocco Princi. The concept is simple; exhibit the food, and watch it being cooked in a wood-fired oven for all to see. People love it, it's almost theatre. The interior design was by an other Milanese chap called Claudio Silvestrin, his design almost has dominance over the food.

You may notice the shiny bronze lettering on the business card above, it's deliberate, it matches the bronze sheets which clad the tables and doors in the bakery/restaurant. Every tiny detail has been 'aesthetically' thought about in this place. From the Funktion One sound system delivering audio as clean as the toilets, to the extended counter which breaks through the window and on to the pavement, It all seems a little pointless if the food doesn't match up to Princi's massive shiny bronze bollocks. Well, actually Princi has a big shiny bronze dildo to match its bollocks and tears off the fur coat to produce a sensational orgasm gushing with flavor. Right in the mouth.


Rather than writing in obscure sexual riddles I'll explain why the breakfast was so good. Basically they don't compromise on the quality of the ingredients, apart from the tomato being a bit unripe, which is strange for Italians, the other ingredients included -



Tuscan sausage - meaty, tastes gamey like wild boar.
Tuscan pancetta - thick and smokey.
Cannellini beans with onion & tomato sauce - how baked beans should taste.
Portobello mushroom - big and full of juiciness.
Egg (I had scrambled, you can have  boiled or fried) - rich dark yellow and perfectly cooked. Wish they did poached.
Toast - thick slices of white artisan bread (tasted like sour dough) with perfect crust and soft airy crumb, served with very good butter.
Tomato - not ripe and needed a much longer cooking time.


Coffee - I had a Flat White which was surprisingly good for Italian coffee as they usually use a ton of Robusta bean which makes it taste vile.


Almond Croissant - Bad. Very bad. Had a much better one in Climpson & Sons, great coffee there too.


The Princi Hot Breakfast was £8.50
Coffee was £2.40
An Almond Croissant is £1.80




It may have been the sensation of comfort food after the hobo experience, but most likely it was the excellence of the ingredients that gave my taste buds the contrasting ride to which my balls and anus had that weekend. So despite Princi being a bit poncey, I like it.


Oh and it's pronounced 'Princhy'.

Smörgåsbord

These beauties are a feast for the eyes, and binocular food it ain't. You'll be twitching to have a meal like this once you read my post.

A Smörgåsbord is always open to interpretation, but I like to keep it a little Swedish or at least leaning towards the Scandinavian. This one in particular had some Waitrose Gravlax with a mustard & dill dressing, beet root & goats cheese salad and some minty buttery potatoes.

The advantage of a meal like this is that it give's you an opportunity to rummage through the cupboards and pull everything from a jar of pickled onions to an obscure homemade relish you were given at Christmas. Just dig out some bread & cheese and that does the trick.

Most of the time this food is designed for the indecisive pecking Pigeon or the greedy Gannet. But regardless of what you gather, people will flock around the table in a feeding frenzy. Wine will be guzzled and will lubricate conversation until it becomes a gushing stream of bird song. The chorus will diminish at a similar rate to the scoff as all slip into a food-coma and an inebriated state, until they are ready to fly away and roost for the night.

I was literally LOL-ing myself to death with bird theme. I had to dry my eyes with a Teat-owl. Can someone please tell me to shut my beak.

Hare

I think I had Jugged Hare once as a child, but my mother put me off when she described the recipe.

I was watching Saturday Kitchen whist eating my poached eggs on toast and swigging my Orange juice & pint of tea. During this bland episode, I was somehow inspired to quickly get some good quality meat and cook it very slowly for a Sunday supper.


So off we cycled to Topsham and headed to Darts Farm, where the food hall is seriously good, unfortunately the restaurant is not in the same league (in a bad way).  Darts Farm also boasts a good fish 'n' chip shop, so we grabbed a couple portions of cheeky chips, and watched the Llamas do some spitting. The chips were hand cut potatoes, perfectly cooked, good stuff.


Anyhow, as I passed the butcher's block I saw a rare sight, Hare. Hares are uncommon in our fields never mind in our butchers. This creature was shot on Darts Farm for eating all the strawberries, I had to buy it.


Even the recipes are on the internet were rare, so I turned to Hugh's trusty Meat Book (highly recommended to any carnivore). If you would like to read his version click here.


Like any adventurous cook I never stick to someone else's recipe, so I did my own Oliver's twist.


1 Large Brown Hare
1 Botty Red (Something good, as it is the main liquid in the dish)
2 Large Onions
2 Stock Cubes (I like the Knorr Stock Pots)
2 blocks of dark chocolate  (optional)
1 spoon of red currant jelly (or to taste)
1 handful of Rosemary or Thyme or both
1 handful of Chopped flat leaf Parsley (again, if you want) 


1. Skin and gut the Hare and portion the into pieces (the butcher should do this for you),Soak the Hare in a bottle of seasoned red wine overnight.
2. Drain the wine and put to one side and leave the pieces of Hare to dry for a few minutes.
3. Whist this is happening, sweat off your onions or what ever veg you want to stew.
4. If you like, coat the pieces of meat in flour and fry off in a pan until golden brown.
5. Put the Hare, veg, wine, stock and herbs in a big flame proof pan and cook on a very low heat (120°C) for 5 to 6 hours.
6. If you want a thicker liquid you can add a Beurre manié (roux), but instead I would recommend a reduction by transferring some liquid into a really hot pan and boil away the water. At this point you can add some fruit jelly. I was tempted by a Strawberry jelly due to the Hare's last supper, but stuck to Red Currant, add this to taste.
7. Serve with potatoes (as you like them) and maybe some green veg.
8. I gave mother a call and she came over for some Sunday night scoff.

This meat was something special, other than watching this magnificent animal run riot around a field, I can't think of a better way to enjoy a Hare. Seriously, I gave this animal the upmost respect which it deserved, this is a glorious being so I wasn't going to wolf it down for the sake of hunger, I spent hours understanding how best to cook the meat, gain the best combination of flavours and preparing all the ingredients. I feel it was worth this animal dying for the pleasure myself, and fellow eaters gained from the meal. And if anyone feels my food was unethical in anyway please don't hesitate to get in touch, so we can resolve the matter. The sort of people who disagree with shooting wild animals for food are severely moronic idiots and should spend a bit more time on farms which use intensive methods to rear their livestock. They should also visit an abattoir and see how livestock are slaughtered, then ask the question; was it worth that pig existing for me to enjoy this poorly texured excuse for pork inside my flaccid Richmond sausage?


Or watch this - http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=2273569508770398194


Vegetarians should just keep walking in their leather shoes and shut the door behind them.

Double Locks

What could be more pleasant than cycling the picturesque path along the Exeter canal on a beautiful summer evening, then to have a spot of supper at the famous Double Locks pub?


Well personally I can think of nothing better. I've had some great times at the Double Locks, it has a huge garden, plenty of seating beside the canal, a volley ball court, a BBQ, lots of local cask beers and sometimes live bands. But, yes there's a but, always a but. The Double just sucks ass. Suck shitty anus. Sucks prolapsed diarrhoea warty anus.


Where do I start. Well the clientele is a good indication on whether something is good or to your taste, the pub on a normal day attracts normal people, dog walkers, cyclists, but on any sunny weekend or bank holiday they come like flies on shit. We all know the sort of people, the sort who get sunburnt and get really shit faced, but these people don't neglect their kids, they just bring them along and shout at them.

http://www.jonathanbriggs.com/photo-blog/the-double-locks-pub-exeter,476,AR.html

Not my picture.

The other big issue with the Double Locks is the food. The lady and I both found the menu so uninspiring we ended up ordering a Jacket Potato. That is on a par with ordering a Panini. The redeeming quality of the pub is it's beer list, but when I went to order a pint of St Austell Tribute, the barrel was empty so I ordered a Bath Ale but that wasn't ready and needed to settle. So it was a pint of Grolsch Blond, which is a massive anticlimax as it turns out to be the same as normal Grolsch larger except it's not 5%, it's 4%, and certainly not a Blonde or White beer. The pub was taken over by Youngs in 2001 and has steadily gone downhill since then. Exeter's City Gate is also owned by Youngs, but always manages to deliver a great range of beers.


For a long time now the Double Locks has always been a rubbish version of the Turf Locks, which is situated just a few more miles down the Exeter canal. There was something about the whole experience that was so depressing, as the sun was going down we couldn't see any sunset and it just got very cold. The pub just felt dead, everyone looked depressed, it would have been more fun if the CHD people were hanging around with there sunburnt bodies, cunt kids and tattoos. The lady at one point said "Is there anything we can do to turn this evening around" and I replied "Yeah, we can turn around, and go home". So we did, and picked up a cheap Tempranillo and some giant cookies from the Co-Op and watched a crap film in bed. Then we both turned around and fell asleep. The End.

Sharpham

English wine has been getting better and better over the last few years, although it's still sneered at by our garlicy cousins across the channel. I know the Camel Valley wine is probably the best in the country, but the Sharpham wine does give it a run for it's money. I'm definitely biased towards Sharpham, as I grew up in Totnes and spent many days on the river Dart where the vineyard is based.

Last weekend the lady and I walked up to the vineyard for a spot of lunch and a few glasses of wine. Attached to the winery is The Vineyard Café, the food we ordered wasn't great, but it'd be unfair for me to judge it, as we only had a cheese platter. Instead, I would recommend buying some cheese from the counter at the wine shop, along with a bottle of wine, of course, and bring some bread and have your own picnic in a field on the walk back. Remember to bring a knife, I can recommend the Opinel (they do one with a corkscrew which may come in handy).


The wine I would suggest is the Bacchus, Sharpham also make exceptional cheese in a creamery next to the winery, using milk from organically farmed Jersey cows, and the best cheese is probably the brie.

It is also good fun to swing via Sharpham on your way to the beach in a red VW Polo fully loaded with firewood and camping gear, make sure there is enough weight in the car so the exhaust scraps over every bump, otherwise it's no fun. Buy some cold Bacchus and cheese from the wine shop and jump back in the car. Proceed to swig wine from the bottle whist making cheese sandwiches on the dashboard, holding a really sharp knife. So much fun.

Dough

This recipe really works for me and it seems to make the most amazing pizza, focaccia, loaves of perfect bread, stromboli or what ever I try. Have a go you bunch of cunts.




15g of dried yeast or 30g of fresh yeast (you can get fresh yeast from bakeries for about 20p and it does freeze)
650 -700ml of water (warmish)
1tsp of sugar (any kind)
50ml (3 or 4 tbsp) of E.V. Olive Oil (you can use other oils)


1tbsp of sea salt
1kg of bread flour (Tipo '00' is the best, but you can just use normal plain flour in a worst case scenario, never use self raising, it kills the yeast!)


or


Make up you own blend of flours, a bit of semolina is always good, but make a total of 1kg in weight.




1. Mix water with the yeast, sugar and oil, you may want to whisk it up as yeast love air, along with warmth, sugar and moisture. Set aside and allow the yeast to party for a few minutes. Put on some hard-house music to dance to and join in the party. Techno will also work well.


2. Sift the flour and salt into a large mixing bowl and make a well in the middle. Add the yeasty water bit by bit and mix in the flour with a fork. Or you can put all the ingredients in a mixer and mix on a slow speed for 10 minutes.


3. If you don't have a mixer. Transfer the dough, after it has come together, to a floured surface and knead the mixture with your floured hands. Keep kneading until the dough becomes elastic. Like an extremely stretchy scrotum.


4. Transfer the dough back into the mixing bowl and cover with cling-film or a wet tea-towel. Place it somewhere warm and leave to prove/proof for a hour or until the dough has doubled in size. You can place the dough in an airtight container and leave it in the fridge overnight for a slow rise. Or freeze it.


5. Once the dough is ready, transfer it to the flour dusted work surface and knock all the air out (this is called knocking back).  Them you can do what ever you want with it. Hopefully the dough will be extremely soft and wet so you won't have any trouble rolling it out, I don't even roll it for Focaccia bread, I simply spread the dough with my hands and top it with a range of ingredients. The picture below shows this style of Focaccia where I use a very wet topping of tinned tomatoes, and it really helps keep the bread moist.

But as I mentioned before, you can  make pretty much make anything with this dough and it always comes out a winner. I won't go into oven temperatures (start at 180 to 200°C) or times (the bread is cooked when it's brown and sounds hollow when tapped on the bottom), work it out for yourselves. All recipes will deliver different results and all ovens are different.






If you fancy viewing some bread making techniques check out the River Cottage Bread DVD, please have a watch (click the link to download). It's pretty basic, but shove it on your iPhone and watch it when you're bored - http://db.tt/bBwmWcU


Hope I don't get done for copyright infringement. Huge Furry-Woolyballs can suck my dick.

Rendezvous with Rendezvous

Well it was our 11 year anniversary, so we went for a meal at Rendezvous in Exeter. The restaurant or wine bar is based in Southernhay and has a kicking beer garden or wine garden. 

It was a Monday night and anyone who has read Tony Bourdain's Kitchen Confidential knows not to eat out on a Monday and certainly don't eat fish on a Monday. We did both.

To start I had the Chicken Confit & Ham Hock Terrine and the Lady had pan fried Mackerel fillets in Harissa. Both were excellent, especially the Harissa as it wasn't too spicy and had an almost delicate flavour (according to Isaac the head chef, it was made with rose water and petals).

For main I had a rack of Lamb which was perfect. The lady had a Rump Streak which was very moist, although it did need a steak knife.

I was far too drunk to need a desert so I watched the Lady eat a White Chocolate Orange Crème brûlée and it looked great, incidentally, so did she.

Although the food was excellent, what really made it stand out was the quality of the wine. The sommelier really knows her shit and isn't one of those cunts who likes to embarrass simple, unsophisticated folk like myself, for example, when she poured the first wine - Honore de Berticot Sauvignon Blanc Cotes de Duras 2010 - I told her "I didn't need to test it, as screw cap wines can't be corked". She very politely told me I was wrong, and explained why. Also this Sauvignon was seriously good and although it was the cheapest wine on the menu at £14, she recommended it to us and said it was better than the expensive NZ Sauvignon, which I would normally have chosen.

The second bottle of wine was an Argentine Malbec, they're always pretty good, but this was the best I'd tasted. So after two bottles of wine we were a little tipsy and started to see weird faces in the pile of logs by our table. The faces reminded me of characters from a Studio Ghibli film. All a result of the wine goggles I think.

This restaurant can be a little on the expensive side with our meal costing around £100, but it does do a cheap set menu at £13.90 for two courses, so for a little over £40 you could have a meal for 2 with a bottle of bloody good wine. Jesus, I've spent more for a meal Pizza Express and that place if fucking dog shit piss. 

Jesus wasn't there, but I've heard he's got a great party trick. I think he can drink water, then piss wine. I love you Jesus.